Resources / Helping a parent
How to talk to your parents about money and wishes
The hardest part is often just starting. This is a calm way to open the conversation and cover what matters, without making anyone feel pushed.
Before you start
- Pick a calm, private time
- Come with a warm reason ("so I can help if you ever need it")
- Start with one small topic, not everything
- Offer to get your own affairs in order too
Documents to ask about
- Whether there is a will, and where it is
- Durable power of attorney
- Healthcare directive and wishes
- Where important papers are kept
Money to understand
- Which banks and accounts they use
- How the bills get paid
- Any debts or obligations
- Their financial advisor or accountant
Wishes to hear
- Care preferences if they get sick
- Who they want making decisions
- Funeral or memorial wishes
- Anything they want the family to know
Lead with them, not you. Frame it as helping them stay in control and avoid being locked out of their own accounts, not as taking anything over. That one word, over, is what makes parents shut down.
One sitting is not the goal. You do not have to cover everything at once. A first conversation that only opens the door is a success.
Printed and kept where you will see it, this does its job. If you would rather it live somewhere your whole family can reach, that is what MyLifePapers is for.
Common questions
My parent refuses to talk about it. What now?
Do not force it. Try again another day, start smaller, or let a trusted third party such as a doctor, an advisor, or a faith leader raise it, since parents often hear it better from outside the family. In the meantime you can still learn a great deal from their mail, their checking statements, and their tax return.
How do I bring it up without scaring them?
Tie it to a normal life event rather than their health: your own estate planning, a friend who had a hard time after a parent died, or simply wanting to be useful. Ask permission to talk, and listen more than you plan to.